Please note: I wrote this just after my ordeal of missing my cruise ship on my recent vacation to the Caribbean. There is fowl language, crude remarks and some minor sexual content. I present my raw thoughts on THE BEST trip I have ever taken in my life. I am usually well mannered but in light of the circumstances I found myself, the irritated B*tch came out. There were many ZEN moments, and times where I just used my yogic training to relax and get centred. Here is the UNzen side of me. I want to be quite genuine with all my readers
Trippy Traveling Tips
I went on a trip solo for the first time in my life. I had traveled solo before but for business and work. Never for pleasure or vacation. As a single female traveling I LEARNED A HELL of a lot. LOSING my luggage for 2 days was not fun but it taught me OCEANS of lessons. I learned the most about myself and my inner strength.
So now that I can laugh about my trip here are my suggestions, JUST IN CASE you lose your luggage, a flight, a train, or a big CRUISE SHIP (like I did) :
1) ALWAYS bring an extra pair of underwear or two or three! Nothing is ever guaranteed when you travel and so be prepared for anything. That means losing your LUGGAGE and having to rough it till you do. Make the roughing it not so rough by having at least 1 pair of underwear in your carry on or backpack. Running around trying to find underwear in tourist areas where no one speaks english for a single traveling female is both unsafe and fucking irritating!
Asking a Mexican man selling sombreros on the street, who doesn’t know one word of english where *MUTANDI are sold really gets you know where, and if you show the dude your own underwear he thinks your a prostitute needing some cash. AND Trust me, going commando in tropical climate temps is not fun past the first 20 minutes. Moving on….
*(Italian for underwear, I tried this , as I thought perhaps there was a slight chance it was said the same in spanish- umm not really, actually not even close.)
2) PACK a toothbrush & toothpaste in your purse or carry on. Stress makes halitosis a new reality even if you never had it before. If your mouth smells NO ONE WILL WANT TO TALK WITH YOU! and the last thing you need is for people to ignore you when your lost, stranded, or missing your luggage and don’t know how the fuck you will ever get it back!
3) While on the topic of what to pack in your carry on, I suggest the following for the ladies CONCEALER- you sure will need it, because you won’t sleep, eat or relax until you finally get to your destination, or find your bags or get on that cruise ship you missed at the first port of call ( umm ya had to add my own experience). IT MIGHT BE DAYS, OR EVEN A WEEK!! So in order to hide the hell you already look like, grab the CONCEALER LADIES.
It will save you from looking like death to the world as you travel your cute ass from airport to airport, bus shuttle to hotels, and train stations or endless taxi rides to your desired port of call. CONCEALER will at least make you semi attractive so that if you need the help of a passerby he will actually consider speaking to you and not wonder if your a bag lady in desperate need of an asylum, next….
4) Always bring FOOD! I don’t care how heavy it makes your bag. Running around airports, hotels and bus shuttles, screaming at airline personnel, calling and telling off your travel agent, CRYING because you can’t find UNDERWEAR, requires ENERGY.
Unless you want to prepare for the Survivor auditions, I suggest you pack some non perishable items IE: crackers, trail mix, nuts, and dried fruit. The last thing you want to do is pass out in some god forsaken land, where they wouldn’t even know how to take your temperature- yes this is reality in some countries. EAT and then you can move on…..
5) ALWAYS carry a cell phone and camera. The cell phone is so you can tell off every travel agent, travel insurance company, cruise ship and airline you have to deal with. The camera is take pictures of the mess your in. Not only will this help with insurance claims, but a cam can really capture those moments of INSANITY which later you’ll want to FACE BOOK, FLICKER, TWITTER and MYSPACE your ass off so that all your friends can laugh with you later of course.
6) As for CONDOMS, you can leave packing those in your luggage. If you lose your luggage don’t worry about the chance of having sex. The last thing you’ll desire is to get jiggy when you haven’t showered in days, your hair is looking like a nest, your wearing the same pants and socks for God knows how long and all you want to do is bite every person head off. I assure you its not the time to get laid…
Bon Voyage, and good luck….
Your traveling Yogi